Losing your temper

I have a post-it on my computer screen that says:

“You lose all your control when you lose your temper.” Author unknown.

I do not know where I read it, or who might have shared this idea with me, but it is a good reminder on those tough days when continuous curve balls are thrown your way. Whether it be the angry driver you encounter on the way to work, the woman who cuts in front of you at the grocery store with an overflowing basket, or the customer service agent who was curt and short with you, anger is at times hard to hold back.

For me, I find that at times my anger comes to the surface when I do not feel heard. It can happen with friends, a spouse, family, a stranger, really anyone. Their intentions might be 100% pure, but they might be distracted with their own issues, and the result makes me feel invisible.

A thought came to me the other day. For every situation where I want to react and get angry with an individual, I need to take that frustration and respond with the same love and care that I wanted all along. I will give you an example: If Chris lets me know he will take care of something for us, I then check it off my list of To-Do’s and expect he will take care of it. If I find out later that it was never handled, it might set me off, and make me feel ignored. Instead of reacting with anger, I could respond with how his actions made me feel, and what it means to me when he follows through on his promises. Yes, these are just tiny instances, but each little experience is part of a larger picture. Rather than reacting, stay in control, and share how you feel.

What do you do when you lose your temper? Why do you lose it?

Mumford? Um. Yeah.

Posted by random olio

Last week we had the opportunity to see Mumford & Sons in concert. We really only knew a few of their songs before we saw them, yet after an hour and a half we were converts. They are amazing musicians. It had been a while since we had been to a concert in a big venue with thousands of other people. They are not my cup of tea. I like the more intimate interaction with musicians when they are playing in a smaller venue.

I was impressed with the lead singer, Marcus Mumford, his unique sounding voice, and the endurance he had throughout the entire concert was astounding. It has been a long time since I have witnessed a true musician that you can tell in your bones is doing it for the love of the art, and the joy of the music. They were there to entertain, and I had a hunch that even though they have been touring in larger venues, that it had not gone to their heads. It felt genuinely big and real to them.

Last Sunday I did quite a bit of baking and cleaning in the kitchen (about the only things I do in the kitchen) and through the many hours, I had Mumford & Sons playing in the background. Their songs all have such variety, some make me dance and sing, others have a somber feel, and even others an eerie effect that stays with you. Seeing them in person made me respect them tenfold. Marcus might be playing the guitar and then run to the back and play the drums. The bass player might be playing then head back to the drums. A versatile and interesting team of musicians.

If you do not listen to Mumford & Sons, I definitely recommend taking the time to seek out their music, and if it interests you at all see them in concert. They are in the middle of their US tour. You probably already know “I Will Wait” and “Little Lion Man,” but be sure to listen to “Ghosts That We Knew,” “Whispers in the Dark,” and “Roll Away Your Stone.”

You will not regret it.

Make their day, make my day…

Posted by random olio

Have you ever thought about starting your day by thinking about how you might make someone else’s day? We go through our day going from meeting to meeting, or down a checklist of the many items we need to accomplish. Often we do not have time to think about getting lunch, let alone think about someone else and the full day we have ahead of us.

What would it look like, feel like, be like if you thought about how you might make another individual you encounter have a better day? What would you do? Instead of jumping right into your computer, emails, and meetings, might you ask a co-worker about their weekend? I often think that we get to work and start out on a hamster wheel, only to get out at 5, get into our car and drive home. Other days we might actually get out of our hamster wheel and truly focus and interact with others. On the days we get out of the hamster wheel, break routine, and engage and connect with those we see everyday we might just find that we see a glimmer of how we can be present for others.

I wonder if we started our day thinking of others, if the mood and focus would be different. We might rush less, breathe more, and appreciate our surroundings that much more. We could find that by thinking of others more, they think of us more. Like a boomerang effect of good will.

Are you with me?

Should you tell your kids?

Posted by random olio

I ponder questions about my future as a mom. I often wonder with my tendency to be blunt all the time, will I decide to tell my kids that there is a Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, or Santa Claus? What is the right thing to do? On one hand there is fantasy and fun surrounding these mythical stories, but what does it teach kids if they learn that we have been lying to them all these years?

I suppose from a tier of importance, Santa Claus has the most weight. If he is capable of bringing every child around the world a gift all in one night, while riding a sleigh, and going down any houses with chimneys, well that is not a loaded lie! Oh, and about the chimney, the man is fat. And, he has a reindeer with a red light at the end of his nose. How many lies has that added up? 5 so far. I am sure if we really looked at the story, we could count many more.

The Easter Bunny and Tooth Fairy carry much less weight from the lie factory. For Easter, the bunny hides eggs. That does not seem so far-fetched. Bunnies dig holes, it could be possible. Was the Easter Bunny a boy or a girl? I am not sure I ever learned where the Easter Bunny comes from, and I do not think I learned how the Easter Bunny was connected to the resurrection of Jesus. Probably did not matter, because all I remembered about Easter was wearing a hideous “Easter” dress from my grandma, going to church, having brunch, and finding our easter basket. A regular Sunday, except for more candy, and a poopy Sunday dress.

Now the Tooth Fairy. I assumed the Tooth Fairy was a girl, probably out of the process of elimination that a fairy was never a boy when I was a kid. I had a hand-me-down tooth pillow, that I put under my pillow when I lost my tooth. I never found it odd that the Tooth Fairy had to lift my head to get the pillow, remove the tooth, and leave my half-dollar, all without my waking up. I have heard very different accounts of what friends received for a tooth, but we got 50 cents in the fancy form of a half-dollar. Calculating that I have 28 teeth, not counting the four wisdom teeth pulled a few years ago (I know everyone might have different amounts), that equals $14 on me. Of the three fictional characters I would say the Tooth Fairy wins. Over the course of a few years of my life, they only spent $14. If there is only one Tooth Fairy, then how come other kids received $20 a tooth (about $560 total). Does the Tooth Fairy play favorites?

I digress. I started this blog to discuss whether to lie to my future children or not. The verdict is still out. I know I sound like a heartless future mom, but I have strong beliefs about not lying to my children. I wonder if I can find a way to go along with the charade, while also telling them the truth. Tell them it is make believe and we can play along together.

What do you think?

Multi-task on the pooper?

Posted by random olio

I am a blunt woman. I tell it like it is, or usually say whatever is on my mind. So, I will be direct with you today. I am a multi-tasker. Some might say that is very inefficient, but I disagree. The best place to multi-task is well…the bathroom. There are so many ways to multi-task in the bathroom. I will share a few with you. At night I often read and brush my teeth at the same time. However, I have not had luck with reading and flossing my teeth. In the morning, I often read while I dry my hair, because face it, drying your hair is BORING.

In any case, there is the most obvious of all, multi-tasking while sitting on the toilet, porcelain basin, potty, can, shitter, john, loo, pot, whatever you call it. I am a serial user. You may find me on my iPhone, laptop, or reading a book. I might be playing words with friends, reading the news, writing emails, or heaven forbid – writing a blog post. Due to my multi-tasking tendencies, I have great respect for this Saturday Night Live skit, “Bathroom Businessman” with Keenan Thompson. Take a look (click the image to view video):

You might not feel so comfortable engaging in “potty” talk, but if we are real with each other, it is part of life. I do, however, think it is crossing the line to be in a public restroom and chatting away with your friend while doing your business. If in a public restroom, go right ahead and read a book, the news, update your Facebook status to your heart’s content, but if I have to listen to you chew out your husband, then finish your shit or get off the pot.

Happy Friday!